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Who is to say? Who has the right to decide for whom anyway? Because no matter how you spin this someone is deciding for someone else…in every situation.

I am 38 years young with two amazing, beautiful children of my own. They have brought so much joy and lessons along our journey together, I could not possibly imagine my life without them in it.



I had my first child when I was 30, and I did so by my own free will and when I believed I was ready to be a mother. But it wasn’t always so. Naivety and youthful love, or whatever it might have been led me to an unexpected predicament at the very young age of 19. Pregnancy was not in any of my near future plans, nevertheless it happened and I was lost. Lost, confused, and frightened. What was I to do? How would my irresponsible and foolish behavior change my life forever? I had barely entered adulthood and my life experience had not prepared me for such a task in the least. But what does really prepare you for parenthood. Whatever it may be, it was definitely not there for me then. Panic set in and enormous anxiety took me over. On a very abrupt and emotional attempt to fix this, so overwhelming situation I put myself in, I picked up the phone and scheduled an appointment with Planned Parenthood for the very next morning.

I woke up next morning, still with so much uncertainty and fear, and headed down to the clinic all by myself without telling anyone where I was going. No one knew. I kept this to myself and by myself I was going to take care of it. And so I did.

It was all done. I drove sobbing and drowsy (from the drugs) all the way home and feeling remorse and sadness for what I had done. There was, however, no going back. I laid depressed in aguish in my bed for two days.

I was fortunate enough to have my mother and my sweet grandmother who after several interrogation attempts got a confession out of me.



They managed to make feel human again with their kind and supporting words. They showed me the love and understanding that I did not believe I deserved at that time. I made a difficult decision, and it resulted in more troubling feelings than I could imagine my actions would birth, but they were there for me.

Having the right to make my own decision definitely came with some harsh consequences. But I made my own decision, and that was imperatively important. However hard or light, positive or negative the consequences may have been, they were all mine to bare or rejoice in, and no one else’s.

I am not saying that people should do whatever they may please at the cost of another life, as some may very well see this situation as, not at all. There is a fine line between a “simple” medical procedure, and murder (depending on how one argues this point). We shouldn’t use abortion as an escape for our bad decisions and go around continuing to make the same bad decisions because we can simply discard of the “problem” as easily as taking out the trash.



But who is really to say or decide what we (women) can and cannot do with our own bodies? Are we incapable of making decisions for ourselves? Is everything so black and white?

I am not to pass judgment on either decision that may be made by any woman that finds herself in an undesirable circumstance. I only hope that any woman that faces with this uneasy (if undesired) and life-changing matter, which might have gotten her there by so many possible scenarios, has to ability and opportunity to chose for herself.

I am now a mother, and I would not have it any other way. The thought of having an abortion is rather disturbing (on a personal level). Nevertheless, I would not change my past for I believe there is a reason and a place for all the experiences we are faced with. If my past experience taught me anything is that we always have a choice. And if my daughter found herself in the predicament I did, I would like her to be able to make her own choice, no matter what anyone else thought of it. And I hope I would be as loving and understanding as the women in my life were to me.

 


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